Monday, December 15, 2008
I'm most nervous about being able to please him. I have mentioned this on a few occasions to him and he is reassuring and tells me that he is certain that he will be pleased. He tells me that the only thing I have to concentrate on is doing what he tells me. I need to let myself remember that - all I have to do is what Daddy tells me, and Daddy will take care of everything else. Daddy will take care of everything. Daddy will take care of me.
I think that the plan is for him to come to visit before Christmas and on a day that T is working, so that we can spend the day together and then the three of us can send the evening together once T arrives home. Daddy with his two girls.
Today is the 15th of December. Tomorrow I am working. The 20th and 21st are a weekend. T and I are leaving to visit family on Christmas Eve. This leaves 5 days for him to visit. And it is going to possibly happen at some stage in the next 10 days.
And there's the panic.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I am enjoying this new level of my submission to him, and I am waiting for it to grow deeper. I am waiting for it to become a natural un-thought of state to consider Daddy’s will in each situation, for my first instinct not to be one of self-preservation like every other being on the planet, but for it to be instinctual to consider his pleasure and his will first of all things.
Daddy tells me the things that he wishes of me each day. He has taken control of our household’s finances and decides with T on what our budget will be. He gives me tasks to fulfill and activities to report upon. He tells us when to go to bed. And I long for him to take even more control over my life like the greedy whore that I am.