Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I am a bad blogger.

I love using this blog and talking about my feelings about A here, but for some strange reason I procrastinate and never actually write. Well, here is another empty promise to change that and to write more often.

Anyways, a catch up to what has been happening lately - I have been able to spend a lot of wonderful time with A thanks to Skype and more importantly thanks to his graciousness in allowing me into his presence. He is an amazing man.

I didn't think that I could come to love him anymore than I did, but apparently I was wrong because I am becoming quite obsessed with thinking about him and having my mind set on what his will is. I love the feeling that I am being guided by what his will might be in situations. I love the feeling that he is with me throughout my day. What I don't love is the feeling that he isn't with me in person.

T and I have talked a little about moving to the USA so that I can be closer to A. I really don't want to live in the US, and I love living in Australia and will miss it terribly. However, the thought that I am this far away from him pains me so much that at times I can't stand it... and the idea that I am literally wasting years that we could be spending together is intolerable to me. I have known and loved A for almost 7 years now and in that time I have spent less than a month actually in his presence.

When I was talking to him on Saturday he made a joke about me telling people that 'my Daddy' had told me something, and my heart skipped when I heard him call himself my Daddy. I asked him about it (because I can never leave anything alone), and he explained that he had been joking and said that I was being unfair by pointing it out in the way that I was doing. He is right, it was terribly unfair of me.

But I wanted so desperately for him to say that he had said it because he thinks about me as being his babygirl.