Monday, June 6, 2011

IN WHICH SHE SENDS GLITTERY LOVE TO HER SISTER




Today I saw something that was at once heartbreaking and at the same time humbling and yet so inspiring.

I have joined a Fetlife.com group, a Facebook page and a Twitter group called BabygirlsUnlocked. It has been an amazing couple of weeks since discovering this group of babygirls from all ends of the globe. I have been speaking with them and listening to them and are becoming more and more inspired by them to live an exciting and beautiful life.

Today, one of the girls in the group asked a question about what a babygirl should do if she felt wrongfully disrespected by her Daddy. I was not online when the question was asked, and in a way I am glad that I wasn't.

My initial reaction was to post something along the lines of 'well, I am a slave as well as a babygirl, so for me I am not sure that I could be wrongfully disrespected by my Daddy/Master.' Instead of tritely answering with something like that, I read the almost 30 replies to her post. These replies were not from people who just threw their answers into the fray. They were on the most part not even answers - they were questions. The other babygirls in the group, her babygirl sisters, were asking her what had happened, how did she feel, if she was alright. There was an abundance of love and comfort shown to this babygirl by her sisters. It was inspiring to see it, and it has humbled me to a place where I want to begin taking notice of my response to people. I want to stop solving and start caring. And I will do that.

The reason that it was also heartbreaking is because this lovely and vibrant babygirl seems to have lost her Daddy and not because of anything that she did wrong. Also, from the little that I could tell from the messages that she posted, her Daddy seems to have acted very unfairly. Seeing that all of this happened made me feel so stabstabstabby, and it wasn't happening to me. The babygirl responded to all of her sorrow and pain in such a respectful and gracious way that it made me want to wrap her up in a blanket and make her cups of tea, to make a safe space for her to be able to grieve and be angry if she wanted, but mostly it made me want to talk with her more in the future, to learn more about her and to learn more from her.

You, my lovely girl... my gentle beautiful sister... you are inspiring and brilliant. Thank you for that.

Monday, May 30, 2011

IN WHICH SHE DISCUSSES SOME MYTHS ABOUT BEING A BABYGIRL

I would like to thank Babygirlpoet from Fetlife for her thread that I have pinched and posted here... I have made changes so that the information reflects who I am.

· I don't want to fuck my relatives.

· I don't wear diapers, even though there is nothing wrong with that.

· I'm not a "little" or a "little girl, and I believe that these two things are very different from being a "babygirl". I don't regress to varying ages for a particular reason. My mentality is different from most. The way I live all times is different from most. I have a babygirl perspective on life and this is something that is in play for me on a 24/7 basis and not something I am able to actively control.

· I don't condone, engage in or eroticise sexual acts with minors.

· I'm not a fetish, my identity is fetishised. The fetishism of my identity is not something I enjoy. However, other babygirls might enjoy being fetishised, and there is nothing wrong with that.

· Being a babygirl does not mean that I am naive or innocent. The innocence that I do hold on to doesn't make me stupid or weak.

· I believe that a babygirl will submit to her Daddy, and this is especially true for me as I also identify as a slave. This does not mean that I will be subservient to everyone.

· Being a babygirl does not mean that I was molested as a child. It just so happens that I was, however this does not play into the dynamics or beliefs that I have about Daddy/babygirl at all.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

IN WHICH SHE TALKS ABOUT REMEMBERING HER PLACE


I was reading a post on Fetlife last week where the person posting was speaking of being forgetful and easily distracted when it came to answering calls from her Daddy. My response was to think of all the little things that I try to do to remember my place as a slave, and to remember that it is A that I wish I was serving.

I thought that I might write some of them down here. Perhaps someone, someday will find something I say helpful.

  • I try each morning, when I first wake up to remember how it felt to be in his bed when I stayed with him, to slip out of it quietly and softly step across his floor so as not to wake him, to get to the shower before him so that when he woke I was already showered, dressed and looking presentable.
  • When I smell coffee I remind myself how he likes his coffee beans ground for 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 seconds, how he likes it made with heaped spoonfuls of ground Italian Roast in his coffee maker, how I would present his cup on a table with the handle facing him so that he didn't have to turn the cup at all before he could drink.
  • As I paint my nails I do so while setting the specific purpose in my mind that every time I look down and see the colour that they are I will think of how beautiful it is to have the chance to be pleasing for him.
  • I set my watch 14 minutes fast to remind myself that he is in a timezone 14 hours behind where I am, and that even though I am geographically separated from him, my mind can still be aligned to his will.
  • I use a soap that reminds me a little of his aftershave and when I smell it on my skin I remember how blessed I truly am to have met him in person that first night, and for the time we have so far shared together, in person, on the phone and over the internet.
  • When I wear a belt (which isn't often, because I usually wear skirts and not pants) I pull it on really really tight and every time I feel conscious of it during the day I remember how amazing it is to have been held by him, wrapped in his arms and that I am loved.
  • But most helpful of all for me is that when I feel my mind slipping from being fixed on his pleasure and his will I find a quiet place, I get on my knees and press my face to the floor. I breath slowly and deeply and tell myself out loud that I am a worthless babycunt, that I was born to serve my Daddy and that I am nothing without him to serve. I am lower than the very ground and exist only to be pleasure and service for him. And I thank him for that.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

IN WHICH SHE CONTEMPLATES COMPLACENCY AND TRIES TO SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST

I have been spending a bit of time on Fetlife.com - oh, what a delight that has been. I am constantly surprised at not only the misunderstanding that people on the bullitin boards show, but also the lack of willingness to either learn or to examine their own ideas that they show.

I hope that I never become that complacent and stagnant in my understanding of D/s, and especially the Daddy/babygirl dynamic.




Sunday, May 1, 2011

IN WHICH SHE PONDERS THE CHANGES SHE IS GOING THROUGH


I am working on myself. With the help of A, I am becoming a more attentive person, a calmer person, someone who is more centered and less afraid and who is happier and excited about life.

A is interested and involved in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Google it, it is fascinating. When he was first speaking to me about it I had doubts. I was concerned that it was hokum. I was worried that it was some strange new-age rubbish. And I was confused as to how the wisest and most intelligent person I have ever known would fall for something so obviously rubbish. But, at the same time, because I know A, I trusted him. I knew that it was my understanding of the situation that was wrong... and it turned out that I was right. Not about the hokum, but about my misunderstanding.

NLP works.

I have seen over and over again in my life changes that I have been able to make with NLP. It has helped me find resources that I never realised were at my disposal. It has almost cured me of a phobia that I have suffered with ever since being a child. It has helped me find that sense of wonder and excitement that I knew when I was young. It has taught me how to sleep. It has helped me be less anxious and less depressed. It has taught me to be amazing!

I am becoming a different person. And I really really like the person that I am becoming. It has been a long long time since I liked the person that I am.

I can't even communicate how thankful I am to the people who created and have worked on NLP.

And to the amazing man who realised its truth and showed it to me.

Thank you, A. Once again you have saved me in ways that you will possibly never know.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

IN WHICH SHE ADMITS THAT SHE HASN'T BEEN HERE IN SUCH AN AWFULLY LONG TIME


I am a bad blogger.

I love using this blog and talking about my feelings about A here, but for some strange reason I procrastinate and never actually write. Well, here is another empty promise to change that and to write more often.

Anyways, a catch up to what has been happening lately - I have been able to spend a lot of wonderful time with A thanks to Skype and more importantly thanks to his graciousness in allowing me into his presence. He is an amazing man.

I didn't think that I could come to love him anymore than I did, but apparently I was wrong because I am becoming quite obsessed with thinking about him and having my mind set on what his will is. I love the feeling that I am being guided by what his will might be in situations. I love the feeling that he is with me throughout my day. What I don't love is the feeling that he isn't with me in person.

T and I have talked a little about moving to the USA so that I can be closer to A. I really don't want to live in the US, and I love living in Australia and will miss it terribly. However, the thought that I am this far away from him pains me so much that at times I can't stand it... and the idea that I am literally wasting years that we could be spending together is intolerable to me. I have known and loved A for almost 7 years now and in that time I have spent less than a month actually in his presence.

When I was talking to him on Saturday he made a joke about me telling people that 'my Daddy' had told me something, and my heart skipped when I heard him call himself my Daddy. I asked him about it (because I can never leave anything alone), and he explained that he had been joking and said that I was being unfair by pointing it out in the way that I was doing. He is right, it was terribly unfair of me.

But I wanted so desperately for him to say that he had said it because he thinks about me as being his babygirl.