IN WHICH SHE TALKS ABOUT HER FEAR OF SUBMITTING

I'm an extremely self-disciplined person.  I've had to be.  Not only have I developed this self-discipline as a means to prepare myself to serve, but it's been a resource that I've been able to rely on to keep me sane and focused during the long long time since I've had a daddy.

Now I find myself in a strange position where the thought of surrendering that control really is quite terrifying.

If I hand over my hard won self-control to a dominant, then everything about me could fall to pieces in a heartbeat, meaning that I would no longer have the ability to serve.  If I didn't have the ability to serve my dominant, then not only have I failed in what I'm trying to do for him, but I wouldn't be useful at all.  If I don't have a purpose and I can't serve and be useful, then why would my dominant want to own me?  And if my dominant didn't want to own me, then that leaves me in a precarious position where I have no control over myself because I've surrendered it, and no dominant to lend me focus and structure, to give me purpose, to find me useful.  It would leave me having given up control over myself, looking to where he is standing for some sort of focus and finding that he has left.

So, I suppose the question stands... how do you surrender all control to someone without falling apart?

IN WHICH SHE PONDERS THE CHANGES SHE IS GOING THROUGH

I am working on myself. With the help of A, I am becoming a more attentive person, a calmer person, someone who is more centered and less afraid and who is happier and excited about life.

A is interested and involved in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Google it, it is fascinating. When he was first speaking to me about it I had doubts. I was concerned that it was hokum. I was worried that it was some strange new-age rubbish. And I was confused as to how the wisest and most intelligent person I have ever known would fall for something so obviously rubbish. But, at the same time, because I know A, I trusted him. I knew that it was my understanding of the situation that was wrong... and it turned out that I was right. Not about the hokum, but about my misunderstanding.

NLP works.

I have seen over and over again in my life changes that I have been able to make with NLP. It has helped me find resources that I never realised were at my disposal. It has almost cured me of a phobia that I have suffered with ever since being a child. It has helped me find that sense of wonder and excitement that I knew when I was young. It has taught me how to sleep. It has helped me be less anxious and less depressed. It has taught me to be amazing!

I am becoming a different person. And I really really like the person that I am becoming. It has been a long long time since I liked the person that I am.

I can't even communicate how thankful I am to the people who created and have worked on NLP.

And to the amazing man who realised its truth and showed it to me.

Thank you, A. Once again you have saved me in ways that you will possibly never know.