IN WHICH SHE IS NERVOUS AND PONDERS THE PLURAL FORM OF UTERUS

I'm more than a little nervous about things at the moment.

T and I are going to the US to visit her family for 3 weeks. She saw her mother when she visited us here last year, but other than that it has been 3 years since she has seen her sisters or her wider family, and they are all very close.

While she is going to go and visit her sisters, I am going to go and visit A.

That is why I'm nervous. Terribly nervous.

I have met him in person before. I can't remember whether I have mention this in previous posts, and honestly, seeing as it is almost 5am and I am still awake I really can't be bothered going and looking to see if I have. Bad blogger. No biscuit.

I stayed with him for about 10 days. It was wonderful. And frustrating. It has been a LONG time since I wanted to be fucked that badly. And I didn't get fucked. There was one amazing session of spanking and paddling. There was a lot of cuddling and smooches. There was almost an argument. There was an embarrassingly snarky comment made by me at one stage, which I am ashamed that I made and I totally acknowledge that it was me throwing a bit of a snit because I wanted something that I wasn't getting. Not very submissive, I know.

Anyways, things have changed between us since I saw him last. Not the least of these changes being the plan to come back from the US with a tiny little zygote in at least one of our uteruses. Uterii? What is the plural of 'uterus'?

So, I don't know how things are going to go when I spend time with him. I have asked, and he says mysterious things that fill me with dread and excitement. He says that he has plans for me and makes me imagine being bound and gagged, beaten and fucked.

Honestly, I don't know if I want that. I'm scared of what happens when that appetite is woken up again. I'm comfortable with my chastity and am finally enjoying it. And I know that it will be a hard thing to go back to after being used by him.

IN WHICH THE IDEA IS RAISED

I have met my Daddy.

T has known him for a long while and I have been watching on as they built and maintained a trusting and functional Dominant and submissive relationship.  Sometimes watching with jealousy, and sometimes with desire… but always watching and even worse than that, always wishing.

After visiting the new addition to our family at the end of October, T and I were on the train back home. 

“When he said that he would spank you, he wasn’t meaning in a casual way.”  She said, starting the conversation out of the blue.  I immediately knew who, what, where and when she was talking about. 

He had come to visit a couple of days earlier to gift T with Birthday Spankings, after which he jokingly called out “Next?!” as he returned to the lounge-room where I had sat listening to all of the delicious abuse that T was being subjected to.  I laughed and immediately regretted not dropping my pink cotton panties right then and there for him.

“I know that he didn’t mean a casual spanking… but…” But?  But what?  Isn’t this what I wanted?  Isn’t this what I had been waiting for, wishing that it would happen for me?

A long discussion followed about what I wanted, what he wanted, what T wanted and how we would all go about getting it.  It was decided that he and I needed to talk.  But who would initiate the conversation? 

As a slave I don’t think that it is within my place to initiate a conversation with a Dominant, especially a conversation that is being started with a particular motivation in mind.  I believe that to do this is to try and enforce my will onto that Dominant.  This is something that you can step around when you are looking at a conversation with a Dominant who you are not involved with, but when it is your Master (or someone who is showing some form of interest in you) then you need to be careful that you don’t set up the wrong pathways of behaviour from word go.  I couldn’t message him as ‘just a friend’ as T suggested, because to do so would be lying to myself.  So I waited.  I realized that I hadn’t emailed him to thank him for the day spent with us on T’s birthday, so I did that, and he emailed back.  But the email was a quick response from him that didn’t seem like it was inviting further conversation.  Once again, I waited.  I tried to remind myself that I was waiting on his pleasure, but it was hard to be patient.